In military terms, surrender would be releasing your life over to the hands of the enemy and declaring them victorious. Yet, surrender to Jesus is another thing altogether, as surrender actually brings us out of enemy territory and releases our lives into the hands of a tender, all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving FATHER who is able to do more than we could ever ask or think and does all according to His goodness. I had this idea of surrender tested a week ago and caught a glimpse of what it must have been like for Abraham to surrender the life of his own son to this good FATHER.
As I walked out of church to pick up my kids from their classes, a group of 4-5 leaders stood in the hallway and I somehow sensed that I was the topic of their conversation. Feeling all eyes on me, I walked toward them. They asked if I had Jonathan (our youngest at 2 years old). I replied that I did not, as his daddy had taken him to nursery earlier, and I hadn't seen him since. Yet, apparently, at some point he had made it out of the nursery and out of the building and had been seen chasing down his daddy in the parking lot. It was thought by these leaders that Jon had brought him to me, as he was no longer in the nursery. (We had driven separately to church that morning, and Jon had left a little while earlier to go and pick up some furniture.) This, however, had not been the case, and two of the leaders left immediately to go double check on the situation, now knowing that he was not with me. I picked up my older three who were in the same building, my mind racing, suddenly over full of concern, and then headed over toward the nursery which is a couple doors down along a strip of buildings.
As I walked down the steps and across the sidewalk, I felt almost as if I was in a time warp. It was as though I saw two paths before me and knew I would walk down one of them but had no power to choose which one. Either, this could all be a mistake and he was safely in the nursery, and life would continue much as it had been, or I could be about to embark on a journey through the Valley of the Shadow like I had never known or dreamed of experiencing. Life could be so altered in the next few seconds such that the course for me and my family would be forever altered. And with the weight of that knowledge on my heart, my heart fully surrendered. My heart said to the Lord: "You are just as capable and are currently watching over my son right now in the same capacity that You are watching over me and watched over Your own Son as He traversed this ground. Either path I am about to follow, I'll be following You, and there's no other place I'd rather be. You are faithful and unshakably good and will fulfill all your goodness and purpose regardless of the joy or pain of my circumstance." I laid it all out there, and my heart was at peace in the most unearthly, supernatural trust in the FATHER heart that I could have ever imagined. I knew it didn't mean that the pain of one path would be lessened- it would be pain beyond description, and fears, and doubts and all that goes along with that...but in that moment, I knew He would be there in the midst of it too.
I've had heartbreaks in my life, pain that altered life and caused it to even stand still for a time and wish that it would continue standing still when the demands of life rushed on, sweeping me too soon from my grief. But never have I been in this situation of a great possibility of pain right before me, waiting for me to step across the threshold. I can only attribute my heart's condition in that moment to the greatness of GOD working in me far beyond my wildest dreams, and it fills me with hope. Hope that I can live daily in really big and even in very small (bad attitudes,struggling to meet deadlines or accomplishments, running late to something or trying to train up my children) situations, laying every moment at His feet in worship and trusting His goodness in bringing me all these things to train me up in godliness.
Well, I walked in the nursery and there he was, my precious, adventurous son beaming up at me in his happy-go-lucky way. My heart breathed a sigh of relief that this was my current path and not the heartache of the other. (He had indeed made it out of the nursery and into the parking lot chasing after his daddy whom he had seen leaving, but his daddy had brought him right back to nursery, and there he had remained till I came.) But the subsequent days, this heart surrender, I've not been able to get off my mind, and I find myself in a beautiful place in my relationship of trusting the Father and want this to work its way deep into all I say, do and react to. This Sunday our pastor spoke of worship. He mentioned something I'd never paid full attention to or previously understood in a different way. Satan, when tempting Jesus after his wilderness fasting, was willing to give up to Jesus all the kingdoms of the earth to receive that which is of most value in all the world: proskuneo - humble, all-consuming worship declaring supreme worth above all other things. "I will give you all these kingdoms, if you will bow down and worship me now." To which Jesus replied, "It is written, you shall love the Lord your God and Him only shall you proskuneo." He is the only one worthy of bowing down before in abject worship, supplication and honor. Whether life is falling in pleasant places or the bottom has just dropped out from under your world, He is worthy and deserves our greatest and highest gift and treasure: proskuneo.
I encourage you to read these words over several times and let them soak deep into your soul and proskuneo.
I Surrender All
All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live
All to Jesus I surrender
Humbly at His feet I bow
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me Jesus take me now
I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee my blessed Saviour
I surrender all
All to Jesus I surrender
Make me Saviour wholly Thine
Let me feel the Holy Spirit
Truly know that Thou art mine
All to Jesus I surrender
Lord I give myself to Thee
Fill me with Thy love and power
Let Thy blessings fall on me
All to Jesus I surrender
Now I feel the sacred flame
Oh the joy of full salvation
Glory glory to His name
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x2IpLSfqp8&list=RD7x2IpLSfqp8
Story behind the hymn
https://www.umcdiscipleship.org/resources/history-of-hymns-i-surrender-all
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