death - before it seems time

       Life is not for the faint of heart... Have you noticed?  It's hard. It cuts us to the quick.  Leaves us raw and flailed open at times, the deepest flesh and insecurities exposed to the cruel elements and forces of nature and human nature; though all the while cradled in the hands of a loving God.   Two years ago I sat there, holding his once-strong, seemingly all capable hand, now weakened by a rare disease that had ravaged and stolen the strength of a man in his prime.  I had been called down to check on him.  Was this the end?  She needed rest after a night of wakeful, restless attentiveness as breath became more labored for this one she had walked many long paths with, raised children with, laughed, cried and carried on with.  His condition had significantly turned for the worse, and she was exhausted.  I sent her to bed, and sat, telling him with tears in my eyes and a choke in my voice that I loved him and hated to see him go.  I sang to him and prayed for him.  The end came 30 short minutes later, minutes in which eternity seemed to stand still as I helplessly, desperately tried to help ease his suffering.  She returned with the sound of my weeping, just in time to say goodbye. 

     As we age and those we love age, there begins to be some sense of expectation or understanding that death will come.  It doesn't make it easier or remove the pain, but there is a sense of preparation for it.  Maybe 200 years ago the very young were viewed with the same sort of risky expectation, but now...now with all the medical resources, sanitation, technology...  Sometimes death knocks at doors which seem to young. Death isn't expected when life has just blossomed, when dreams are still unfulfilled, when future still seems to hold too much hope and promise, whether that comes after days of life, a couple years, 20, 30, even 50s and 60s...  I've never held my own infant child in its last few moments on earth, carried my own child to the grave, but I have experienced too much blood, loss when life was the expectation through infant in utero; a brother with so much promise, deeply entrenched in ministry, waiting for God to bring him a bride to fall head over heels in love with; a father too young by today's standards with vision, ideas, pouring himself into a new calling, feverishly writing down a new flood of good words, truth and revelation as his strength ebbed away.  Him I held as breath faded.  Held his hand and tried with a deep sense of desperation and helplessness to ease the discomfort of his quickly passing minutes, held the wife, my mother, crying for him to come back..there was so much more he had to offer, how could it really be ending this way?
   
     You've been there too, somehow.  Whether with a close relative, miscarriage, family member passing or close friend.  You've felt the anguish, helplessness, trying to make sense of what seems like an unfinished life too quickly snuffed out.  You've been broken, like me, struggling to walk on in life when death doesn't quite seem swallowed up in victory.
   My dad, he had finished a compilation of the gospels in modern language, his own interpretation of the flow of Jesus' life, and had fallen in love with Him all over again in the process.  It will soon be readily available in The Jesus Trilogy along with a modern interpretation of Revelation, the letters and Psalms.  He had done very well, and I look forward to sharing His work with you.  At his funeral, this hymn, which had become one of his favorites, was played.  I can't hear it without weeping. 

Come to Jesus by Chris Rice
Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!


And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall, so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

                        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PANiveIKVX0