What does my soul magnify?

     It's easy to see what's right in front of you, to focus your thoughts, attention on here and now: this relentless pain, this wayward child, this difficult marriage, this set of plans or upcoming trip, this project.  We can get all wrapped up in almost anything, and any number of these can sink us like a stone, if we let it.  Sink us how?  By absorbing all of our vision, time and energies and crashing over us with worry, doubt or a sense of being overwhelmed.
   We ask so many unanswerable questions, or at least unanswerable in the immediate.  And asking questions is good, if you ask the right ones.  Questions stimulate thinking deeply and can lead to greater understanding...if you ask the right ones.  But questions can feed the fuel of mounting fear, self-doubt...if you ask the wrong ones.  Often times we ask the wrong ones: What's going to happen?  Why?  How long will this last? How can I get out of this? Will this ever end? What if??? The many questions without answers that cause our minds to spiral out of control and the escalating anxiety these questions stimulate, magnify the here and now, magnify the broken and the mess until it's all we can see or think or feel, and we're going under fast.
     But if there are bad questions, wrong questions, are there good and right ones?  How do we ask those?  What does it look like to magnify the Lord in this situation?  What glory can He receive in my life right in the midst of all my doubts and fears?  What could His goals and designs be for me right now?  Who can I ask to help me in this task, help me gain perspective, help me pray this through? What is the one step  I can take right now to move forward in a healthy, positive way - to gain traction, feel accomplished, make a difference? Who might be struggling right now, like I am, that I can bless or uplift? What might this look like in eternity or what can I do in the midst of this that would make eternal impact, cause the heavens to rejoice and break for with singing, stimulate the angels or the world to look on and praise the God in heaven?
   What makes all the difference in these questions? My focus, what my soul magnifies.  Whatever I meditate on, ruminate over, set my sites on gets bigger.  Mary was faced with ridicule, misunderstandings and could have focused on all the "Whys?" and "Hows?" But instead: Luke 1: 45-48a Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord."

46And Mary said,

“My soul magnifies the Lord,
47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.

There are several things in here that can help us refocus our gaze on That which matters. Can shift us from self-focus and fear to a clearer vision of the unshakable True. What you believe.  Do you believe in the brokenness of your situation and the insurmountable odds? (Couldn't Mary have done this? There were a great many insurmountable odds.) Or in the fulfillment of what God says He will do right in the midst of the mess and through it and beyond it?  It's a choice to magnify one over the other - to set sites/sights on the Eternal rather than what my eyes alone can see, to rejoice in everlasting Beauty and Magnificent, unchanging Splendor rather than the piles of work, shattered hopes, insurmountable odds. And all of this, not because of who we are or what we see but because of what He sees.  Because He looks down, bends down low to listen and act on our behalf - again not because we are great - not cause we are great lovers of God, devout believers, have it all together ( believe me all those things are great and worthy of pursuit, just not the impetus for His looking) but because He is great and we are but servants in the midst of our broken messes and every day life circumstances.  And He loves to break in and mess all of that up and make something utterly beautiful right in the middle and with the broken.

How Great Thou Art 

Verse 1:

O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder,

Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made;

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Chorus:

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee,

How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

Then sings my soul, My Savior God, to Thee,

How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

Verse 2:

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,

And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.

When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur

And hear the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

Chorus

Verse 3:

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;

Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;

That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,

He bled and died to take away my sin.

Chorus

Verse 4:

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,

And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.

Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,

And then proclaim, "My God, how great Thou art!"

A great listen!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXQpDDcrN-w
   I like how this group mixes How Great Thou Art with It is Well for the former is key to the latter.  It is not great spirituality, but perspective that changes us from overwhelmed people buried under the weight and oppression of circumstance to men and women standing in the strength and power of God, rejoicing in His glory, magnifying His greatness in the midst of every situation.

 A great, short watch on the story behind the hymn 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fr78_-H_7fg

Belonging/Possessing

     There's something deeply ingrained in our nature, in our DNA, that gives us an essential need for belonging.  We want to know where we fit in, with whom we can let down our guard and be secure.  Belonging can be a scary thing too.  Belonging to a generous, gracious, good person is a joy of interpersonal richness, whereas belonging to a mean, exacting or self-absorbed person can be a very great burden.  Belonging can be a restricting, slavish bond or a releasing freedom to become the fullness of your potential in a safe, encouraging, life-giving haven.
  We closed Friday on a beautiful 1920's 5000 sf home on 2 acres in the town of Culpeper, VA.  It's a dream of a place, or at least it will be when we are finished with the major renovations.  We've been renting for 5 years and taking good care of the place, but there's a deeper level of responsibility, care that goes into a home when you own it.  It's thrilling, empowering and scary!  It has stimulated me to think long about what it means to possess something or be possessed, the fact that I belong to the Godhead, and He has humbled Himself to be called mine.

     As the rightful possessor of my life, having first purchased it at the highest price- His own life, and then ASKED that I willingly offer this life to Him which is rightfully His both by nature of creation, nature of His omnipotent provision which is over and on all things, and by deed of purchase, He never grasps for His own gain.  The whole purpose of His possession is to set us FREE!  We think of possession as something to gain, to have and hold and do what we will.  He thinks of possession as something to give back, to open-handedly allow to blossom to fullest potential and give every resource to that end.  Just as He gave His life willingly in order to take it up again; so, He asks us to willingly lay down our lives for Him in order to take them up again in newness of abundant life.  His is a liberating possession.
   Our house is much like lives without Christ, in need of great repair after years of disuse and misuse but with really good bones and structure, with great potential to reflect the excellence and beauty of our Triune God.  It won't happen over night, but with intention to free it from the damage done to it and vision for what it could be, it will be grand and will reflect a piece of the nature and redemption of the Father.  What once was a house of mourning (one of its many prior uses a funeral home), it will                                                                                    become a place of joy and blessing to the nations.

Now I Belong to Jesus
Jesus, my Lord will love me forever,
From Him no pow'r of evil can sever,
He gave His life to ransom my soul;
Now I belong to Him; 

Chorus
Now I belong to Jesus,
Jesus belongs to me,
Not for the years of time alone,
But for eternity.

Once I was lost in sin's degradation,
Jesus came down to bring me salvation,
Lifted me up from sorrow and shame,
Now I belong to Him; 


Chorus
Now I belong to Jesus,
Jesus belongs to me,
Not for the years of time alone,
But for eternity.

Joy floods my soul for Jesus has saved me,
Freed me from sin that long had enslaved me
His precious blood, He came to redeem,
Now I belong to Him; 

Chorus
Now I belong to Jesus,
Jesus belongs to me,
Not for the years of time alone,
But for eternity. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ifv_Bi0FZDc

Story behind the hymn
https://wordwisehymns.com/2013/03/27/now-i-belong-to-jesus/

All's Well

Because it truly does end well.  I've been struck over and over this year with the thought, the knowledge that WE KNOW THE END OF THE STORY.  We truly need not fear, though oceans rage and mountains are thrown into the midst of the sea and the earth shakes because we have been given an unshakable Kingdom.
  Yet, it's so easy to fall into worry and doubt, and to deeply struggle with the unknown and unseen or what appears to be starkly, painfully real right in front of us, stretching on ahead of us with no end in sight.  Perspective is so easy to lose, to skew.  I'm not very good at drawing, but have had the opportunity over the past several years to teach drawing to children through Classical Conversations.  I've enjoyed the process of learning the art and structure of it myself, but I always find the perspectives class the hardest.  A line drawn slightly off, at the wrong angle, by the end will leave the whole picture skewed and abstract.  A good perspectives artist brings two dimensional images to life, they seem to come right off the page in a way you can almost touch and handle, wrap your arms and mind around.  Perhaps Picasso struggled with perspectives too.  His angles always askew.  His paintings don't really draw me in and invite me to rest and gaze a while.
   I think true, accurate perspective reveals the Godhead, invites us, draws us to gaze upon His beauty and purposes even in the midst of the unseen and unknown, the terrifying and heartbreaking.  It refreshes us with joy and hope.  Yet, how quickly, how easily I drift to drawing or perceiving the lines of the unknown in lines not judged or drawn out the GOD's faithfulness but out of my fears or failures, and life gets distorted, takes on false dimensions and gives place to fear rather than faith.
Horatio Spafford understood the need for eternal perspective based not on circumstance but upon Who God is, and this flowed out of that deep root.


It Is Well With My Soul
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FexGqNDBK3g


Story behind the hymn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvq3pYsHidA

death - before it seems time

       Life is not for the faint of heart... Have you noticed?  It's hard. It cuts us to the quick.  Leaves us raw and flailed open at times, the deepest flesh and insecurities exposed to the cruel elements and forces of nature and human nature; though all the while cradled in the hands of a loving God.   Two years ago I sat there, holding his once-strong, seemingly all capable hand, now weakened by a rare disease that had ravaged and stolen the strength of a man in his prime.  I had been called down to check on him.  Was this the end?  She needed rest after a night of wakeful, restless attentiveness as breath became more labored for this one she had walked many long paths with, raised children with, laughed, cried and carried on with.  His condition had significantly turned for the worse, and she was exhausted.  I sent her to bed, and sat, telling him with tears in my eyes and a choke in my voice that I loved him and hated to see him go.  I sang to him and prayed for him.  The end came 30 short minutes later, minutes in which eternity seemed to stand still as I helplessly, desperately tried to help ease his suffering.  She returned with the sound of my weeping, just in time to say goodbye. 

     As we age and those we love age, there begins to be some sense of expectation or understanding that death will come.  It doesn't make it easier or remove the pain, but there is a sense of preparation for it.  Maybe 200 years ago the very young were viewed with the same sort of risky expectation, but now...now with all the medical resources, sanitation, technology...  Sometimes death knocks at doors which seem to young. Death isn't expected when life has just blossomed, when dreams are still unfulfilled, when future still seems to hold too much hope and promise, whether that comes after days of life, a couple years, 20, 30, even 50s and 60s...  I've never held my own infant child in its last few moments on earth, carried my own child to the grave, but I have experienced too much blood, loss when life was the expectation through infant in utero; a brother with so much promise, deeply entrenched in ministry, waiting for God to bring him a bride to fall head over heels in love with; a father too young by today's standards with vision, ideas, pouring himself into a new calling, feverishly writing down a new flood of good words, truth and revelation as his strength ebbed away.  Him I held as breath faded.  Held his hand and tried with a deep sense of desperation and helplessness to ease the discomfort of his quickly passing minutes, held the wife, my mother, crying for him to come back..there was so much more he had to offer, how could it really be ending this way?
   
     You've been there too, somehow.  Whether with a close relative, miscarriage, family member passing or close friend.  You've felt the anguish, helplessness, trying to make sense of what seems like an unfinished life too quickly snuffed out.  You've been broken, like me, struggling to walk on in life when death doesn't quite seem swallowed up in victory.
   My dad, he had finished a compilation of the gospels in modern language, his own interpretation of the flow of Jesus' life, and had fallen in love with Him all over again in the process.  It will soon be readily available in The Jesus Trilogy along with a modern interpretation of Revelation, the letters and Psalms.  He had done very well, and I look forward to sharing His work with you.  At his funeral, this hymn, which had become one of his favorites, was played.  I can't hear it without weeping. 

Come to Jesus by Chris Rice
Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!


And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall, so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

                        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PANiveIKVX0

Surrender

   
  In military terms, surrender would be releasing your life over to the hands of the enemy and declaring them victorious.  Yet, surrender to Jesus is another thing altogether, as surrender actually brings us out of enemy territory and releases our lives into the hands of a tender, all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving FATHER who is able to do more than we could ever ask or think and does all according to His goodness.  I had this idea of surrender tested a week ago and caught a glimpse of what it must have been like for Abraham to surrender the life of his own son to this good FATHER.
     As I walked out of church to pick up my kids from their classes, a group of 4-5 leaders stood in the hallway and I somehow sensed that I was the topic of their conversation. Feeling all eyes on me, I walked toward them.  They asked if I had Jonathan (our youngest at 2 years old).  I replied that I did not, as his daddy had taken him to nursery earlier, and I hadn't seen him since.  Yet, apparently, at some point he had made it out of the nursery and out of the building and had been seen chasing down his daddy in the parking lot.  It was thought by these leaders that Jon had brought him to me, as he was no longer in the nursery.  (We had driven separately to church that morning, and Jon had left a little while earlier to go and pick up some furniture.) This, however, had not been the case, and two of the leaders left immediately to go double check on the situation, now knowing that he was not with me.  I picked up my older three who were in the same building, my mind racing, suddenly over full of concern, and then headed over toward the nursery which is a couple doors down along a strip of buildings.
     As I walked down the steps and across the sidewalk, I felt almost as if I was in a time warp.  It was as though I saw two paths before me and knew I would walk down one of them but had no power to choose which one.  Either, this could all be a mistake and he was safely in the nursery, and life would continue much as it had been, or I could be about to embark on a journey through the Valley of the Shadow like I had never known or dreamed of experiencing.  Life could be so altered in the next few seconds such that the course for me and my family would be forever altered.  And with the weight of that knowledge on my heart, my heart fully surrendered.  My heart said to the Lord: "You are just as capable and are currently watching over my son right now in the same capacity that You are watching over me and watched over Your own Son as He traversed this ground.  Either path I am about to follow, I'll be following You, and there's no other place I'd rather be.  You are faithful and unshakably good and will fulfill all your goodness and purpose regardless of the joy or pain of my circumstance." I laid it all out there, and my heart was at peace in the most unearthly, supernatural trust in the FATHER heart that I could have ever imagined.  I knew it didn't mean that the pain of one path would be lessened- it would be pain beyond description, and fears, and doubts and all that goes along with that...but in that moment, I knew He would be there in the midst of it too.
     I've had heartbreaks in my life, pain that altered life and caused it to even stand still for a time and wish that it would continue standing still when the demands of life rushed on, sweeping me too soon from my grief. But never have I been in this situation of a great possibility of pain right before me, waiting for me to step across the threshold.  I can only attribute my heart's condition in that moment to the greatness of GOD working in me far beyond my wildest dreams, and it fills me with hope.  Hope that I can live daily in really big and even in very small (bad attitudes,struggling to meet deadlines or accomplishments, running late to something or trying to train up my children) situations, laying every moment at His feet in worship and trusting His goodness in bringing me all these things to train me up in godliness.

   Well, I walked in the nursery and there he was, my precious, adventurous son beaming up at me in his happy-go-lucky way.  My heart breathed a sigh of relief that this was my current path and not the heartache of the other. (He had indeed made it out of the nursery and into the parking lot chasing after his daddy whom he had seen leaving, but his daddy had brought him right back to nursery, and there he had remained till I came.)  But the subsequent days, this heart surrender, I've not been able to get off my mind, and I find myself in a beautiful place in my relationship of trusting the Father and want this to work its way deep into all I say, do and react to.  This Sunday our pastor spoke of worship.  He mentioned something I'd never paid full attention to or previously understood in a different way.  Satan, when tempting Jesus after his wilderness fasting, was willing to give up to Jesus all the kingdoms of the earth to receive that which is of most value in all the world: proskuneo - humble, all-consuming worship declaring supreme worth above all other things. "I will give you all these kingdoms, if you will bow down and worship me now."  To which Jesus replied, "It is written, you shall love the Lord your God and Him only shall you proskuneo."  He is the only one worthy of bowing down before in abject worship, supplication and honor.  Whether life is falling in pleasant places or the bottom has just dropped out from under your world, He is worthy and deserves our greatest and highest gift and treasure: proskuneo.
  I encourage you to read these words over several times and let them soak deep into your soul and proskuneo.

I Surrender All
All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live

All to Jesus I surrender
Humbly at His feet I bow
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me Jesus take me now



I surrender all                                                
I surrender all
All to Thee my blessed Saviour
I surrender all

All to Jesus I surrender
Make me Saviour wholly Thine
Let me feel the Holy Spirit
Truly know that Thou art mine


All to Jesus I surrender
Lord I give myself to Thee
Fill me with Thy love and power
Let Thy blessings fall on me


All to Jesus I surrender
Now I feel the sacred flame
Oh the joy of full salvation
Glory glory to His name











https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x2IpLSfqp8&list=RD7x2IpLSfqp8

Story behind the hymn
https://www.umcdiscipleship.org/resources/history-of-hymns-i-surrender-all