He will hold me fast

  Walking in peace, it takes courage. Repeatedly in Scripture,  different ones are given the injunction: "Do not be afraid, be strong and of good courage." There are many, every day stories of courage to stand up against great opposition, stand for conviction like Kim Davis, who wouldn't back down and sign the homosexual marriage certificate and subsequently spent 6 days behind bars.  But what I find to be my greatest struggle is not the courage to stand publicly on Biblical issues or points of conviction, but the courage to stand daily, quietly, firmly against my flesh and feelings.  In the midst of a culture that is all about following your heart and your ever-changeable feelings, I find my biggest battle ground, my greatest need for courage. The courage not to stand for my own needs, desires or feelings but to lay them down to stand on God's truth, His joy, His sacrifice, His love.  God grant me the courage to stand and fight the good fight of faith in my own heart and soul, the courage to respond in grace and gentleness when faced with disrespect, disregard, disinterest or distaste.  The courage to love when it hurts and press through the pain to keep on loving.  The courage to be vulnerable to know and be known, be let down and get back up.  The courage to look with tenderness and kindness rather than shoot angry darts and hurtful glances.  The courage to reveal the kingdom when life looks like the enemy's winning and hope is dying.  The courage to get back up and have grace for myself when I've failed again, when my list is too long and my energy too short, when brokenness rather than joy seems to be my song.    
   "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear or be afraid, for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you (into those deep, dark places of your soul, the broken, rebellious places), He will not leave you or forsake you." Deut. 31:6   Because He has promised not to leave me alone - not in my homeschooling/child training, not in my marriage or mounting to-do list, not in my job or relationships, I can walk in freedom from fears and anxiety, receive all he gives with peace, trust and gentleness.  Many are the fears that would threaten to rise up and swallow me whole, deviate my focus, increase my anxiety which leads to all manner of frustrations and anger.  We have fear of failure: in jobs, in child raising/training/educating, in duties as a spouse, in interpersonal relationships, in coping/emotional health, the list goes on and on.  But His Word COMMANDS me not to fear, be anxious for NOTHING, TRUST in His help and leading.  His word PROMISES that those who LOOK to Him are radiant with joy and no shadow darkens their face because He is the HELPER of all those who call on Him.  So I can LOOK, I  can CALL, I can CHOOSE to walk in FAITH.  
  I need the courage to let my thoughts/plans be established, established with peace and trust.  Trust that when my best laid plans and schedule all go awry, His ways are higher and better and peaceable, if I will allow it. Courage not to wallow in self-pity or let my joy be dependent on how I'm treated, on my accomplishments or lack their of, or on my children and their attitudes, responses or accomplishments.  Courage to remember that not only am I in training, but so are my children, my husband...Courage to set my eyes on Him and my heart toward relationship, not just getting things done, and so walk after Him and let Him take care of the details, resting in what He gives.  Holding fast to Him in faith. 

“When I fear my faith will fail
Christ will hold me fast
When the tempter would prevail
He will hold me fast
I could never keep my hold
Through life’s fearful path
For my love is often cold
He must hold me fast

Chorus:
He will hold me fast
He will hold me fast
For my Savior loves me so
He will hold me fast

Those He saves are His delight
Christ will hold me fast
Precious in His holy sight
He will hold me fast
He’ll not let my soul be lost
His promises shall last
Bought by Him at such a cost
He will hold me fast

CHORUS

For my life He bled and died
Christ will hold me fast
Justice has been satisfied
He will hold me fast
Raised with Him to endless life
He will hold me fast
Till our faith is turned to sight
When he comes at last

CHORUS”
Song