Opening a Door

 

You've heard it said: "When God closes one door, he opens another one (or a window)." 

A door gives a sense of mystery, of the unknown, of opportunity, of stepping into something new and sometimes that holds some fear.  What will be on the other side? Hope? Excitement? Sunshine? or rain? Disaster? The Valley of the Shadow?  Take a deep breath, exhale slowly and open the door.

There's so much literature that talks about doors.  This one reminds me of The Secret Garden, a hidden door with lock and key, a garden dead and waiting for cultivation, love and new life, a place of rebirth, renewal, intrigue that also once held great sorrow.

  My son and I just finished reading the classic The Door in the Wall.  I get choked up at the end when the boy, having overcome much hardship and adversity, demonstrates extreme courage and gets honored for it and all his fears of failure, not being good enough because he's crippled, not being accepted as a worthy son get overwhelmingly met with such love, grace, appreciation and acknowledgement, that he begins seeing himself not as "that crippled boy who will never amount to much" but as someone who has a gift to contribute to the world and many talents.  And the faithful monk who has cared for him and taught him the importance of recognizing that there is always the door in the wall.  How many times do we just see the wall looming large and formidable, insurmountable in the face of our incapability, weakness or sense of unworthiness and then live there rather than finding our door in the wall, our opportunity to break through the barriers and walls around us and enter into a whole new dimension, a new understanding, a new path.  Robin had many doors in the walls of his loss and crippling disease - learning to read and write opened doors, learning to whittle, play instruments, walk with crutches, swim and gain upper body strength, shoot a bow and arrow, and learning to seek God and go to him all day, every day, in the coming and going - taking time to adore, pray and encounter God.  Each of these were doors that opened whole new worlds, possibilities and opportunities, pulling him out of being a victim of circumstance, learning to use or overcome his weaknesses as strengths: "when I am weak, then I am strong..." "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships and persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Cor. 12:10  

Without opportunities, difficulties, challenges and weaknesses, we might never discover or even think to look for that door in the wall.  When we encounter complacency, we trap ourselves within 4 walls of stagnancy, and when we go victim, the walls start closing in, our self-pity locking us in fear of what is, the unknown and the future, which keeps us from seeing the door in the wall.  And perhaps the very thing we fear, the pain that lead to the fear, the hardship breaking us, is God's invitation to walk through a door into something new.  He is so much about growing us and building our character deep and wide and loves us so much that He may gift us with a pain unbearable, a major health issue, a financial struggle or loss, a broken friendship, a weight that seems too heavy to carry, so that we might not be encumbered any longer by the limitations that once held us, that we might learn to be fear-overcomers, good stewards of our lives and finances, prayer warriors who don't give up, great men/women of faith who believe in a God capable of the impossible and willing to step into the impossible with Him.  

What if...we could see the waiting, the struggle and trial, the pain, the setbacks as opportunities, as hard but good gifts from a loving God who knows us better then we know ourselves and knows how to produce good in us, shift us, grow us in depth of character so we can bear the weight of the calling on our lives.

What if...He could give us beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning - turning our mourning into dancing and causing ALL THINGS to work together for good.

What if...we really could be anxious for nothing, thankful for all things and devoted to prayer because of RADICAL TRUST that He will always have a door in the wall for us to walk thru.

History Repeats Itself

 I love that history not only repeats itself, teaches us and tells a story we can identify with, it also reveals a truth allegorically about our walk with God.  Israel, especially and her history, is a prophetic history that keeps unfolding the plan of God for the journey of the heart.

I think of Israel's journey to Egypt.  They went in a time of need, and it was a place of provision for them, and they stayed in that place of provision, but it was far from the place of promise that God had given them.  Then, the place of provision became their place of bondage.  That which began good enslaved them because good things make bad gods.  Good things can keep us or sidetrack us from holding fast to the promise of God and then we live in a land - a facade of the promise that begins to enslave us.  And sometimes we can even come to love our bondage or cling to what's familiar even when it's crushing us. Then, God in His mercy reminds us that he has a promise for us, a place of authority, ownership and freedom. 

Sometimes, even then, even when longing for freedom and desiring deliverance from bondage, we resist the process of being set free because sometimes in the midst of that, things become harder, darker, more painful and bondage is released in the breaking and breaking free of our attachments to good things that have become bad gods.  God separates us from the things, the comfort and familiarity that we have come to trust in, put faith in.  God has to remind us that He has better things for us and when we give him our yes- to get called back to freedom, the enemy will rise up and resist our exodus into freedom, and it may get scary and messy, but He has made a way - through blood and sacrifice and passing through the waters so that we can set our feet on new ground in freedom, letting our old desires, bondage and enemy be drowned in the waters that allow us to rise up into newness of life, fixing our eyes on the promise and walking out and imperfect journey into freedom. 

I love baptisms and the beautiful picture of dying to what was, letting it wash away, burying sin and self-absorption and all other lesser things and being raised to newness of life.  It's like a seal on the decision: I have decided to follow Jesus.  I have decided to walk out of Egypt and into the Promise Land, to follow Him out of bondage and into freedom, come what may.  Freedom is worth living for, fighting for and walking out.

HOPE

 There's hope for me yet, I'm sure, though consistency hasn't been my strong suit, I keep trying and one day, perhaps that will be a word that defines an aspect of who I am.  My hope is to post a weekly blog this year looking back at lessons God has taught me and pressing into the depths of what He's teaching me now. I invite you to come along for the ride - it might be rocky, some uneven ground, but I hear the Spirit calling me deeper, into a place of quietness, intimacy, a conversation with the TRIUNE GOD! 

 And so, I come.  Will you come with me? To gaze upon Him, get caught up and captivated in His presence, wrecked by His love.  This morning during worship at church, the beauty, glory and worth of Jesus caused me to weep in wonder, awe, love and humility.  I, so small and insignificant, have captured the heart of the Almighty - because He made me to captivate Him, commune with Him, live in and bask under the radiant beauty and merciful goodness of His love and nature in the midst of a life often fraught with uncertainty, pain, brokenness, confusion and fear - there He meets me and calls me higher. 

Do you have a routine? A quiet place and time to get away with God, to hear His voice and pour out your heart before Him?  If not, I'd recommend that as a starting point.  For me, it has to be early morning to happen at all.  I have to be intentional.  Grab a journal and write down your experience with God, your troubles and what God says to you.  My journals, since I was young, have been a series of letters to God sprinkled in with words He's said to me.  I've come to spend time each time I journal now, asking Him what He has to say and writing down His response.  Try it.  He might surprise you!

I don't know what it looks like for you - all of these look good to me! But the key is that He wants You and really KNOWING HIM and BEING KNOWN requires time and intention.  

One of my favorite authors of all time is Jeanne (Madame) Guyon.  She found an intimacy in relationship with God in prayer and through suffering that I find inspiring.  I was recently given another book recently: The Devil In the Castle that talks of faith (somewhat like Pilgrims Progress) as a progressive journey in which we can stay in the courtyard of faith, distracted by devil, things of this world or even ourselves and kept from entering the depths or we can progress steadily in our journey toward the ONE in the center of the castle who beckons us. "All Christians... have a special obligation to pursue intimacy with Christ through making personal prayer a part of daily life.  Personal or mental prayer is more than the mindless repetition of vocal prayers...Personal prayer is, above all, the welcoming of the Word of the Father into our hearts and allowing Him to dwell in us in the fullness of His sovereign dignity. This receptivity to ultimate meaning takes attentiveness, time, and silence.  The WORD MADE FLESH will act in our imagination, memory, intellect and affectivity in accord with the freedom that we grant Him, in accord with our obedience to His will.  Because His salvific power always heals and intensifies our humanity, even vocal prayer, to be a Christian, must be an exercise of an intelligence of heart bowed in obedient adoration."  "For every Christian, prayer is meant to be a journey into intimacy with the Lord, a drawing closer to His healing radiance...The same face-to-face awaiting us in glory is ours in the shadow of faith when we dare to draw close to the Lord, who has made Himself so close to us." And finally, "The demons know that, because of Baptism, the soul has a special pass to the TREASURE in the very heart of the castle, which is GOD HIMSELF." More on that later... Let's run after this TREASURE,  this PEARL OF GREAT PRICE.

Blessings upon you as you dive in and discover Him there - He's in the waiting. Let me know what you think, what you find.

Learning to Love

A Sanctuary Wherever, as a blog, was started in 2012 on a cross-country journey as we moved from Washington to Virginia.  It's been 2 years since I've written anything here, and I pick up again, in hopes of some consistency, to relate a different kind of journey on which I have embarked...a journey to learn to love.  To love radically, to love sacrificially, to love as Jesus loved.  To love even and especially the unlovable and difficult to love because I've been asked to by the One whom I love the most, and He is worthy of every sacrifice and gift of love.  

  I've had two distinct impressions of love this week.  The first was through the death of our dear, sweet Maegan Kramb, my front desk receptionist at the clinic.  She was taken so suddenly a week ago, so tragically, and we all are wrestling with the sovereignty of God.  Hearing the witnesses of how well she loved and seeing the love, strength and grace of her parents and family at the funeral service was a testament to the Love of God.  She loved well and encouraged others in the same.  The love of Jesus that radiated through her smile will be greatly missed by so many.

The second was through listening to "Something Beautiful for God" about Mother Theresa and a prayer that was written out there. "Dearest Lord, may I see You today and every day in the person of Your sick [or my family, coworkers, friends, etc], and, whilst nursing them, minister unto You.  Though You hide Yourself behind the unattractive disguise of the irritable, the exacting, the unreasonable, may I still recognize You, and say: 'Jesus, my patient, how sweet it is to serve You.' Lord, give me this seeing faith, then my work will never be monotonous.  I will ever find joy in humouring the fancies and gratifying the wishes of all poor sufferers. O beloved sick, how doubly dear you are to me, when you personify Christ; and what a privelege is mine to be allowed to tend you.  Sweetest Lord, make me appreciative of the dignity of my high vocation, and its many responsibilities.  Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way to coldness, unkindness, or impatience [especially with those closest to me, with my family].  And O God, while you are Jesus, my patient[/husband/children/friend, etc], deign also to be to me a patient Jesus, bearing with my faults, looking only to my intention, which is to love and serve You in the person of each...Lord, increase my faith, bless my efforts and work, now and for evermore. Amen.

 

Consistency

I'm just going to put it out there.  In full disclosure, I struggle with consistency, and that is my word for the year.  There, I said it, and now you can help hold me accountable to it!  I need more consistency which goes hand and hand with faithfulness.  And, as I think about the word faithfulness - I wonder how much of consistency has to do with really having faith that those efforts will produce fruit, will be worth it, will accomplish their mission. I've not been super consistent with blogging, but with all the adventures God has called me to this year, I'd like to be consistent in sharing my journey with you.

    I need moment by moment consistency in training and discipling my children.  I posted on Facebook a little bit about my efforts in this direction - we're going through the book on a mom's journey to end entitlement in her children and train them in consistency in things like making beds, cleaning rooms, etc.  So, we started with made beds and clean rooms.  We've had varying results.  Judah does a good job with making his bed every morning first thing and a generally good job about keeping his stuff cleaned up - then Jonathan wrecks their room and causes a meltdown.  Lol.  Jonathan, well, he's learning to consistently make his bed and his brother or I are still helping teach him how to do that well.  We're working on cleaning up after playing with a  certain genre of toys.  Legos are the bane of my existence!  I have a love-hate relationship with them.  I think they're great toys but not all over the room, beds, here and there throughout the house, stepping on them in the middle of the night, etc!  I've even confiscated bins of legos at times because I just can't do the disaster and Jonathan likes to dump out full bins to find the pieces he's missing!  Eve started strong and has had a few days of less than clean in her room lately, but overall, the dollar a day has been motivating to this teen girl to keep her room tidy, and she's generally been good at making her bed daily.  Emma?? Well, she doesn't seem to have much concept of this reward system.  She's never had much of a financial savvy.  Don't get me wrong, she likes to have money - to spend on candy... but she's had her dollars taken away most days.  Part of the idea behind this has been ownership and self-governance, so after the first few days, I told them I wouldn't remind them every day of their responsibilities in this, but this girl has got to come up with a system to keep her room clean and bed made!  Not that I mind taking my dollar back each day - saves me money, but it kinda defeats the process of this motivation - I really do want her to learn to keep her room presentable and not throw clothes/shoes, etc on the middle of her floor... or my bathroom....or the back stairs....or the hallway... Well, you get the point.  It's still a work in progress, but hopefully progress will continue to be made until we all have consistency in this!  Next month starts the meal prep - each child has a day of the week in which they are responsible to make dinner, shop for their supplies (learning to navigate the grocery store and prices of ingredients) and clean up well in the kitchen!  We also implimented a consequence jar system which has been good but...could use more consistency. :)
   Consistency in getting up early to spend time with God, get work done and work out before my day gets going has been my next goal.  Since before Thanksgiving, I had felt the Lord nudging me to start getting up at 4am in order to have consistency in these areas, but sleep is something my body really likes/needs.  I wish I was a 5-6 hour/night sleeper, but I'm not.  My body and attitude do better on about 8 hours of sleep.  How could I get up at 4am??!!  But, I knew if He was calling me to it, He could sustain me in it.  So, at the start of the new year, I made that commitment.  I've not been batting 100, but I've been doing pretty well.  Some really late nights, I'll push it back into the 5 o'clock hour, but I really have found that 4am is a good time to get up.  My biggest struggle has been wrapping up my Bible time so that I can get some work done and my work out in!  In my quiet time in the mornings, I've been reading a devotional out of  The Book of Mysteries by Jonathan Cahn, reading exerpts from They Found the Secret ( a great read about people who pressed in and came to walk in the fullness of the Spirit on a daily basis), I journal and then I read my Bible - my mother-in-law gave me a journaling Bible, which has been great - it has full empty pages by each page of the Bible to take notes and journal in!  Then, I spend time in prayer and worship too.  The time goes so fast!  It is so much my heart cry to deepen my love for Him and to be filled with the Holy Spirit - to have a Pentacost encounter that changes everything, that in everything I might live and move and have my being in and through Him.  I am so convinced that this is to be the "normal" Christian experience, and I'm determined to press in till I lay hold of constant communion with Him - more on this later.
   This morning time is also to help build consistency in my business.  To be faithful to follow up/show up for the people God has brought into my life, to share consistently about this gift of health and knowledge of nutrition that He's put in my lap, and to give my customers/friends, the best service possible - whether it's related to whole food nutrition, or find other ways to show up in their lives and bless them.  The greatest gift besides the health and healing power of whole food nutrition that Juice Plus has given me, is the intentionality to connect with and love on/build relationships with the people He's placed in my life.  I love that I get to focus on building relationships and get to grow a sustainable business to create financial and time freedom for me and my family is an added bonus.  So, I'm seeking to be daily consistent in spending a "power hour" for work.
   I need to be consistent in logging every single commitment or appointment in my phone, right when it happens!  I'm too frequently hoping that I haven't left someone hanging or failed to show up for something I committed to. Yikes!  Keeping my calendar in line and up to date is key to my life- consistency!  I've also built consistency into writing down my dreams and setting goals/actions steps to pursue them.  I'd encourage you to listen to Rachel Hollis' podcost episode 72 and start dreaming and acheiving your goals!
   Well, that's a start.  What's your word/focus for 2020?  Are you as excited as I am about the doors that will be opening, the connections that will be made, the winding and wonderous paths that will unfold before you? I hope so, because God is good and His ways are full of beauty, truth and goodness.

 

I AM...

I AM...two of the most powerful words in the universe.  What you say or put after those two words shapes and defines your life and even the world around you and how you see your world.  The " I Am" of the Creator spoke the worlds into existence and was that most holiest of names not even to be verbalized or fully written by the Jews - the name He gave them as He called out their identity as a nation and people. 

    Not long ago I was talking to my mom about affirmations, what I've been learning about speaking truth over my life and obeying the Scriptures to speak even that which is not as though it is. To declare the person I desire to be and those attributes I desire to walk in but am not fully because our words have power and when we speak these out loud, and repeat them over and often, we begin to believe, be intentional about being and walking in those very things.  This isn't just the power of positive thinking but that where we put our thoughts and then our spoken word, we put effort and intention toward and rise up into those things that God has foreseen and called out within us to be.  

   In fact, before Jesus started His ministry, He spent 40 days fasting in the wilderness, solidifying His identity and the purposes and pursuits of His Father.  And the passage says that at the end of 40 days, He was hungry, but ready, and the Enemy came to Him, questioning from the very first, His Identity,  saying that if He was who He said He was, He could turn the stones into bread and feed Himself.  Jesus reply? Something like this: "Bread isn't life, I AM  LIFE because I Am the Word that proceeded from the Father.  You have to be connected in to the Father to have life, and I Am."  Again Satan questioned his true identity, and again Jesus affirms His true identity: "I Am the Lord your GOD - you shouldn't tempt me."  Finally, Satan, not able to shake His identity, offered to let Him abdicate it for temporary wealth and power. Jesus declared, "Away from me, I Am alone the worthy object of worship and servitude. What is seen here is temporary.  I Am One with the Father forever worshipped and served."  No, these aren't the exact words He used, but they are the concepts by which He defeated Satan.   And it is His truth and identity and the identity we have through Him that allows us to vanquist the Enemy of our souls and our enemy within.  If we lay claim to the statements that He speaks over us, we align ourselves with who He says He is and who we are, it could just changed the world!  It did for the disciples and many others through history.  It lifts our heads and our eyes, aligns us with a high and holy and beautiful and good calling.  

   Some of my own affirmations:  

1. I am a child of the Living God

2. I am brave and courageous

3. I am motivated

4. I am a woman of peace

5. I am a giver of love

6. I am joyful

7. I am wise beyond my years

8. I am the manager of my time 

9. I am fully accepted and favored by God

10. I am a powerhouse of action and multitasking

11. I am engaged in loving people hard and deep

12. I am available to whatever/whomever God puts in my day

13. I am confident and knowledgeable

14. I am given all things through Christ

15. I am forgiving and generous

16. I am healthy

17. I am relaxed

18. I am secure

19. I am worthy because He has given me worth

20. I am blessed

21.  I am abounding in gratitude

22. I am excited about today!

23. I am compassionate and thoughtful and loyal

24. I m an encourager and kind

25. I am a friend to the friendless and everyone God brings in my path

Scripture Affirmations - Youtube

He speaks to me...

    He speaks to me.  I needed it.  I heard.  Not only that, I listened.  His rebuke both pointed and gentle, instructive and compassionate.  It had been one of those days, but wait, let me back up.
    Friday night, we had a group over for folk dancing.  One of them, a single mom of two tow-headed little girls, was talking to me about child training, raising.  She was struggling and overwhelmed.  I've been there!  In fact, as we spoke, I too was convicted.  It's so easy as a parent to let things slide, abdicate authority out of fatigue, frustration, weariness of the battle.  We lose our consistency and focus.  As we spoke, I related it to an army training for battle. 

We as parents are the drill sargeants, preparing our children for what lies ahead, the battles they will face in life.  Our goal: to raise up wise, confident warriors who won't be taken out by their enemies, the lies and brokenness around them, or their own brokenness and insecurity.  So, what does a good drill sargeant do?  Works his soldiers, many times hard, always consistent, bent on soldiers who obey instantly their commands, are strong for the fight, trained in scenarios/tactics of the enemy that could cause them harm, aware of their surroundings and the dangers around them - not to fear them but to withstand them in the day of trouble.  If the sargeant allows for insubordination, everyone doing their own thing and figuring out how to be trained for battle on their own, exercising as much as they want or when they want, or who trains some days and moments and is unmotivated to at others, how strong/prepared will his army be in the day of battle?  All the while as I spoke, my own heart was stirred to hit the reset button in my own home.  Take my job as a warrior/teacher seriously, lovingly because I have goals for my children to be prepared that when they are no longer under my roof, they are still under the protection of my training. 

    Armed with new fervor and conviction, I spoke to my children Monday morning about my renewed intentions to work with them and for them, to bring greater order and peace to our home.  You know, the enemy wasn't too keen on that.  It seemed like it was one thing after another with bad attitudes, direct or indirect disobedience and squawbling.  Half way through the morning, I wanted to hang my head and cry.  I was feeling overwhelmed and worn.  I had to be out of the house with dinner made for three families by early afternoon, the kitchen was a mess, and I hadn't completed our school agenda for the day.  I felt a stress headache coming on as we rushed out of the house.  Day one and I felt defeated. 

    Later that afternoon as I was driving my daughter and a couple other girls to a Bible study small group, it came.  He began quietly speaking. "How can you train your children for the day of battle when you are taken out in the first few skirmishes.  This is not who I made you to be.  You have great intentions and resolutions, but you weren't prepared for the fight.  You were surprised when it came.  In order for you to be effective, you can't let the enemy take you out in the first round.  You're speaking over yourself the wrong things. You believe yourself to be weak, almost helpless.  Prepare for the battle, arm yourself for war, fight for your kids and for peace with confidence and joy, and you will certainly win."

   

   So, I changed what I was speaking over myself.  I made an "I am" statement, to arm myself with truth.  I am a strong, confident, joyful warrior, armed and prepared for the day of battle. 

   This life is not for the faint of heart, motherhood is not for the faint of heart.  The battle is real but the victory belongs to those who persist and grow in the confidence of walking in what is right, armed with Truth.